Griffin Park: where Rhodes realised he had the world at his feet…

This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed at home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had none. And this little piggy went “wee wee wee” all the way home…..

As Huddersfield Town’s Jordan Rhodes crowned a phenomenal season by netting crucial League One Play-off goals home and away versus MK Dons, then converting one of the plethora of penalties against Sheffield United in the final, there’s no doubt the memories of many British football fans would have shown goldfish-like tendencies in forgetting the role of Brentford FC in his development.

The Bees can rightly claim to be the gateway to greatness for the 22-year-old striker, whose loan spell at Griffin Park in 2009 was cut short due to his fifth metatarsal going “wee wee wee” 51 minutes into a home defeat to Chesterfield. The broken toe ensured Rhodes did indeed have to return all the way home, which was Ipswich Town at the time, but that was after a highly successful and ground-breaking stint at Brentford.

Between joining Andy Scott’s side on 23 January 2009 and suffering the foot injury on 17 March 2009, the now Scottish under-21 international notched seven goals in 14 appearances. Rhodes quickly endeared himself to Bees supporters by scoring on his home debut in a 3-0 victory against Aldershot Town.

He even made sure he broke a few records as well as his toe. Just over a week into his time at Griffin Park, he scored a hat-trick in a 3-1 away win at Shrewsbury Town (as an aside, scorer for the opponents that day was none other than Grant Holt, who many had tipped for England Euro 2012 squad inclusion). Not only was this Rhodes’ first senior hat-trick, but, at the age of 18 years and 360 days, he became the youngest hat-trick scorer in Brentford’s history.

Rhodes successfully recovered from the injury to his fifth little piggy and moved from Portman Road to Huddersfield Town on a four-year contract in the summer of 2009.

Since then, the Oldham-born player’s stock has risen unbelievably. Among the gongs he has scooped are the following (take a deep breath here): golden boot winner for seasons 2009/10, 2010/11, 2011/12; fastest ever headed hat-trick (8 minutes versus Exeter City); hat-tricks in two successive Terriers games in 2011/12; most goals in a League One match (five versus Wycombe in 2012); and highest ever scorer to represent the Scottish under-21s.

By finishing the 2011/12 campaign on 48 goals for club and country, speculation is now rife about whether Rhodes will remain at the Galpharm Stadium for Huddersfield’s assault on the Championship, or whether the lure of the Premier League will prove too strong. There is certainly no shortage of interested parties.

One thing’s for sure though, wherever those ten little piggies of Rhodes end up, the name of Brentford FC deserves more than just a passing mention for providing a key platform on which they could strut their stuff.

Stranraer striker eyes something special

I spoke to the Dumfries & Galloway club's forward off the back of their play-off semi-final win against Queen's Park:

Craig Malcolm (Photo: Scottish Football League)

Stranraer’s play-off star Craig Malcolm hopes his goals can help bring him a first Scottish Football League promotion.

The former Arthurlie striker scored in both legs of the Blues’ comprehensive 5-1 victory over Queen’s Park in the semi-finals.

His side now face Albion Rovers on Wednesday and Sunday to see if they can claim the Coatbridge outfit’s spot in Division Two.

Malcolm said: “Winning promotion at any level is good but to do it in senior football is something special, and something I’ve never done before.

“But we know we’ve got a couple of hard games and I think it’s important we get a good result on Wednesday at home and take that to Albion Rovers, because we know they’re a strong team.

“A few of my pals are there and it’s going to be a tough game. They gave us a few hard games last year and they’ve kept most of the same players.”

The 25-year-old was released by Raith Rovers as a youngster before his three seasons with Arthurlie in junior football.

Stranraer signed him ahead of the 2010/11 campaign and he’s been thriving at Stair Park since.

Malcolm said: “I love it down there, everything about it. It’s a great bunch of boys and we all get on really well – I think that shows when go out on the park.

“All the boys are behind each other and we’re all in it together. It’s a great wee club and it’s well run.

“Obviously I’d love to play at a higher level and the second division is a step up again.

“I believe I’m good enough to play there and hopefully if we get there I can score some more goals and show I can do it at that level.”

Queen's goalie Neil Parry - Malcolm's ex-team-mate

If it hadn’t been for one of Malcolm’s ex-Dunterlie Park team-mates, goalkeeper Neil Parry, he may have notched more than just the two goals against Queen’s Park.

Malcolm said: “Yes we were at Arthurlie together. He made some good saves in the first leg and he saved a one on one in the second leg, so I’m not happy with him just now!

“I could’ve had a couple more over the two ties, but I have no complaints because obviously the important thing was getting through and that’s what we did pretty comfortably in the end.

“That’s 19 goals for me this season now, so hopefully I’ll get another one in the next couple of games and get into the twenties.”

Stranraer boss Keith Knox had received criticism from certain quarters for rotating the squad in league games once a play-off position was secured, but Malcolm reckons it has been the right call in the long run.

He said: “If you look back on it now, the manager and the assistant manager have done the right thing in chopping and changing it because all the boys were fresh and ready to go last Wednesday.

“I think the fans will forget about the last four or five league games if we win this week – these are the ones that matter.”

The Rocky Road: Dunipace - Stenhousemuir - Mount Florida - Paisley

Visited four football stadiums in the space of six days this week - not bad going.

Saturday's appetizer was served at a muddy Westfield Park, Denny. I'd only ever seen Denny in the holiday catalogues so it was nice to finally get there in person.

Westfield Park can fair fill up

The Pace (Dunipace Juniors) were hosting The Undertakers (Port Glasgow Juniors) in a Central District Divison One game.

Junior football is smashing but I'm afraid this was just a flying visit.

The guy trying to get the ball got nutmegged several times

Next stop that afternoon was Ochilview in the Stenhousemuir/Larbert area for East Stirlingshire v Queen's Park.

Queen's keeper Neil Parry's crucial save from Andy Stirling with the game at 1-1

I was on match-reporting duty for a local paper and got treated to a pulsating game which ended with a 93rd minute winner for Queen's Park, courtesy of the Scottish Football League 3rd Divison's top scorer Jamie Longworth.

Queen's Park's David Anderson assisted for the winning goal

Tuesday night saw me join 413 other football fans at Hampden to see Queen's Park host Berwick Rangers.

Now, perks of the press pass at Ochilview the previous Saturday started and ended with free entry to the game.

However, at Hampden it was an altogether different affair.

That's some of my fingers on the left

Yes, at the national stadium there was access to a half-time home-baking extravaganza. Whole platefuls of goodies were the centre-pieces of many circular tables and I managed to secure a tremendous slab of Rocky Road.

Rocky Road: one of your five-a-day

Oh and the game finished 2-2 with injury time goals for both sides.

Thursday night's location was St.Mirren Park in Paisley, but not for a game this time. This was to be part of an audience during a live recording of BBC Radio Scotland's Sportsound programme.

Some of The Borrowers got front row seats

Hosted by Jonathan Sutherland, it was really interesting to watch Jim Traynor, Chick Young, Billy Dodds and Steven Thompson discuss football's hot topics and take questions from the audience.

So there you go, four stadiums in six days.

Tomorrow it's back to Hampden for Rocky Roa.......I mean Queen's Park v Stranraer.

Male, 29, seeks minority sport

So, at uni, some of us are being gently reminded to write about subjects other than football. Yep, it's in my best interests. Understood. Crystal.

Don't get me wrong, the course I've been on this year has required us to write about all sorts of topics. It's just that when we get a free-choice assignment, there's always four or five individuals clambering towards the beautiful game.

It's not a crime. It's what we know. But I acknowledge there's no harm in being able to write indepthly about another of the sports I like to keep one eye on.

So what's it to be then?

Here's three potentials, with their justification.....

Golf

Hopefully it's only a matter of time before I start playing golf. Maybe this summer actually.

I flirted with it mid-teens before entering a ten year period of taking nothing more than a fleeting interest in who won the majors.

But the dormant golf volcano within me is rumbling. The last two or three years have seen me closely follow the sport and I find watching it on TV both enjoyable and relaxing. Can't beat hearing the bird-song in the background at Augusta.

Pangs for the fairways and greens only multiply when playing putting in Portpatrick.

Portpatrick Putting Course - where friendships are put on hold

So, golf's a serious front-runner.

American Football

Aged five, I sat my parents down for a chat and decided education was the best route for me. Enrolment at Bothwell Primary was a formality.

There I developed a real aptitude for eating Quarterbacks, the 10p cheeseburger flavour crisps. A love for American Football was born, and I especially liked this American Football lark when I got a small broken crisp from the bottom corner of the bag which had an over-abundance of flavouring.

I stuck with my studies. Primary 1 became Primary 2, which became Primary 3. It remained Primary 3 for six years until I was ready to cut it at Primary 4. But, the graft was worth it, and before I could say 'touchdown', I was in Primary 7 with responsibilities like 'monitor'.

In Primary 7, I think I was the only person in Scotland to have a stab at completing the Panini NFL sticker book. I soon soaked up a solid knowledge of all the teams, colours, crests and players. Having no-one to swap with was the collateral damage.

Since then American Football and I have been complete strangers. Almost awkward at times. It'll take a lot of patience and hard work but I reckon we could be ready to pick up where we left off.

A good friend of mine supports the Chicago Bears. They're from Chicago.

Cycling

Used a bike for paper-rounds. Rode around Millport within 24 hours. Can sometimes cycle one-handy. Only needing the single stabiliser these days.

So that's a start.

Couldn't work out why this one didn't work, so took it back to the shop

The Tour de France has turned my head. July dinner times are enhanced by the catchy tune of the one hour highlight show - I had it as my ring-tone for a three year stint.

The tactics, the teams, the sprints, the jersies, the crashes, the scenery. No complaints writing about that. Click here to see an infamous crash from the 2011 Tour.


Now that's just three potentials. I must say I'd be open to bringing cricket, motorsport, tennis, snooker, darts and rubgy into the mix too, but you folk must have homes to go to by now.

Where do you think I should channel my writing energies then?

Pollok FC - Feature interview article

Please find the end product of my interview with Pollok FC manager John Richardson here .

Pompey playing up

To those of you reading this who aren't really interested in football, I'll give you 100 points if you stay with me until the end, yes? It shouldn't be too hard - there's videos and everything......

A few Saturdays back I was in the enviable position of being able to catch some of Sky Sports' Soccer Saturday programme, where Jeff Stelling and his ex-footballing foursome enthusiastically provide an afternoon of vidiprinter based banter.

Laughs on the show are many and close together, as opposed to few and far between. Most of them involve Paul Merson's mispronunciations or Charlie Nicholas's invented phrases, but every now and again someone more unexpected gets centre stage.

The show is liberally sprinkled with visits to pitchside reporters at stadiums up and down the country. Naturally, these reporters are often at the mercy of fans standing behind them. Many of these 'loose cannons' fail to do enough to register a laugh with me back in the comfort of my lounge, but here's one who did.....

The scene is Fratton Park. Portsmouth are playing Nottingham Forest. One fan, behind reporter Paul Walsh, does a sterling job of giving us a laugh at his own expense for a few seconds; deliberately over exaggerating the nerve-jangling experience of a football match.....

.....and here he is again a little while later, falling victim to the infamous 'Fratton Park Strangler'....

Good effort sir.


Oh and I'm a man of my word, so if you stuck with me to the end, have 100 points on me.

Two monsters a-munching

Are you having a giraffe?......All for a packet of Monster Munch?

Apparently so.

In disbelief, I read that two armed robbers (one with an axe and one with a hammer) plundered a Greater Manchester newsagent of nothing more than a single bag of the paw-shaped baked corn snacks.

Brainless.

Crisps are great though, eh. Always been my weak spot of the junk food realm, so they have. What a culinary coup it would be if someone discovered they were good for us. (I wonder if Henry McLeish is at a loose end - he could maybe do another one of his reviews)

Prior to my days of literacy, I was absolutely oblivious to the delights my older brother was receiving when he asked my Mum for some "C - R - I - S - P - S".

You see, I would have known if he'd said the word, but spelling it out completely foxed me. After his request was granted, I assume the rascal must've taken them to a different room for eating - all the while I was probably sat watching Brum.

Alas, it wasn't long until I became old enough to be permitted crisps on a semi-regular basis and the Hula Hoop haven that was my Gran & Grandpa's house became a frequent watering hole. Yes, I took great delight in placing a beef hoop round each finger before picking them off one by one.

Since then, I've never really looked back.

So, I'd be thrilled to hear is what kind of crisps you would pull out all the stops to get hold of (although perhaps not as outrageously as the duo mentioned earlier).

You can hit me with your favourites, top three types/flavours or just a good old crisp anecdote.

I'm open.....