Oh, is that what he thinks, is it?
Well, Transport Secretary, as much as I’m thrilled at your proposal that a new 80mph motorway speed limit might boost the British economy, here’s how it could affect some of the rest of us…..
• Mums will become even more nervous passengers.
• Friendly youths on bridges above us (modern day Railway Children perhaps?) may be inconvenienced as to what time is best to misplace their eggs.
• Commuting professional footballers will…….no, actually, they’ll remain at a steady 143mph.
• Husbands and wives will get to their in-laws quicker, unless they avoid motorways.
• Sat-nav hosts will take delight in announcing pre-junction instructions post-junction.
…..and, Mr Hammond, as sensible as I can see it is to have more 20mph restrictions in urban zones, that also impacts Joe Public…..
• Cyclists will bemoan cars for being too difficult and unpredictable to overtake.
• Rabbits, buoyed by increased life expectancy, will have a field day, which might drive squirrels nuts.
• Tractors could go viral.
• Chicken chow meins will be 10mph colder – unless Lee or Rafik are driving – they’re not ones for change (although they do like to be given the right change).
• Lollipop operatives across the nation might need to undergo a revised “Gauging Distance and Speed” module.
Therefore, Philip, do think carefully before you mirror, signal, manoeuvre with this vehicular vernacular.
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